Tug of War

I’m struggling with the demons in my head, going from trying to regain my normal life back to a constant nagging feeling of will my nightmare return, will I wake up smothered in my own feces yet again? I’m trying desperately to maintain a sense of normalcy yet the insecurity of the thoughts that creep into my head, playing tunes like a symphony leave me wired for sound most days. The CBD Oil most certainly helps and it’s been a learning curve at best trying to sort it out with the dosage and so forth. I cannot muster the courage nor the strength to move from my makeshift bedroom in the living room back to my actual upstairs bedroom, the thought unnerves me immensely. Sleep is something that deprives me most often now and I’m finding that I twist my mind up with paranoia, confusion, distortion. I’ve become my Enemy. The brain fog suffered from my stroke is quite severe and I’ve been told that sleep is much much needed and required yet I cannot seem to relax enough to allow my mind to fall into its slumber. Every day, every single evening is being likened to that of a game of tug of war. Like a constant push pull where no Team seems to win but a truce is the only way to end the game.